Inexplicably voted the "sexiest male MP in the House of Commons" for six years in a row by the blind gays at the "Hill Times" Hill, our new Foreign Secretary, Peter Mackay, should have used his recent meeting and connection with the mexicans to further both countries interests at the expense of our natural and mutual foes 'los yankees'

I am, of course, referring to the inaugural world baseball classic
After near humiliation by a South African team whose outfielders' routes would have been out of place on a high school team, Corey Koskie did for Canada what he could never do in Canada when with the Blue jays i.e. hit a three run homer. We hang on to beat a US team that took us far too lightly causing interest in tthe competition to rise a hundredfold (yep 200 people watched the match).

Then after having already had in place a strategy to get through to the next round ie having our best(sic) starting pitcher face the beaners our knuckle-headed manger Ernie Whitt(less) failed to adapt once circumstances had changed All we had to do was agree with Mexico that they could win a low scoring game and we were both through.

You don't think the representatives of that country would be 'open to persuasion'? After all who would they rather be facing further down the line - us or the US. Come on

But oh no. He relied on his players and it was basically over after one inning

It's not as though the victory over the US of A is looking thatimpressive. They have subsequently lost to Korea and only defeated Japan thanks to a gross error by an American umpire (whats he doing in a game his country is playing in?) deemed not good enough for the major leagues

Oh well back to the Curling

This is the proud headline in Today's Toronto Star

The paper points out that we have currently won more womens medals than any other country including Germany and Russia. Of course even one bronze would have topped those won by genuine Russian or German women back in the 1970's but that's a different story

Cindy Klassen accounts for a remarkable four but nice girl that she is, there is no gainsaying the fact that they practically give away a speed skating medal with every jumbo pack of Cheerios

And the women's victory in the hockey was only gained on the back of enormous funding enabling the team to train together for most of the past year

The corollary of the women's success - which the Star seems to be reluctant to face - is the men's failure. The five they have picked up to date means we rank with behomeths of the ice world like South Korea! And it's not as though it was the elite events in which our men have come through. The dubious new judging system favoured Buttle enough to gain him a bronze in the men's figure skating but otherwise it was team pursuit; bobsleigh; and two in the skeleton (whatever that is)

All would have been saved if we had won the men's hockey but our ignominious defeat in the quarter-finals means these Olympics will be regarded as a failure. Our team managed to score less than Tony Valeri in a nunnery. It is not even as if we are being shown up by countries with a bigger population like the USA, or the old Soviet Red Army machine. Nope Finland, population 5 million is creaming us

Roll on Vancouver

Of course I would love to wax lyrical about the decision to stay out of the Iraq ( not his. Ed) as Sunnis blow-up a major Shia shrine triggerring a backlash and, no doubt, widespread bloodshed

However, as you will no doubt have guessed, all Canadians are more transfixed by the conflict between the pro and anti Wayne Gretzky camps following our boy's wuppin at the hands of the Russians

To be honest skating has no intrinsic interest for me. I'm more of a follow-the-salt-wagons guy who unless being propped up for the papparazzi relies on double blades to navigate frozen water

However, its good to see other greats tossed out before their time. Pat Quinn is back to his day job of ensuring that the Toronto Maple Leafs fail to make the playoffs; and Wayne can now cozy up with the rest of the family in front of the computer screen to watch Mummy drop another $100,000 at the click of the 'Enter' key

I'm assuming Gretzky has picked up some acting tips from his small-town actress wife so now that he has at last suffered a bit of pain he might be able to play the (slightly) younger me in my upcoming biopic.

I might call round, possibly when he's out with the kids. I see she posed for Playboy and was heavily pregnant when they married. Perhaps she has some other addictions

Firstly, yours truly and now the great one. Both undone by associates - in mu case my predecessor's reckless Adscam and in Wayne's case his wife's desire to play home, away or anywhere

To be honest, I used to find sports a bore. Apart from the obligatory nod to hockey and my early coup of meeting the provincial premiers at a Grey Cup encounter, I find its level of chance too great. I prefer the control of politics

But watching yet another of our Olympic hopefuls wipeout, I see an association between both decaying institutions. Amateur sportsmen/women are like most aspiring politicians. Unable to compete at the highest level (the former in professional sports, the latter in business, law or banking), they live off the state hoping for fame and the ability to turn whatever success they achieve into a sinecure. Not too worried about how it is achieved either, whether via white powders or brown envelopes.

There is also the commonality of a four year cycle, or thereabouts, of Games and Elections

And both sets continually disappoint. The proud boast of 25 trips to the podium is looking out of reach, unless they count all memners of the women's hockey team, and I can already see the plea for extra funding so that we don't revisit Montreal ( Only time the host nation did not win a single gold. Ed. ) when the games are held in Vancouver four years hence.

Of course, it is far too late to pour money in now but hey, that's your problem, Stephen